By Michael Glenn
Teen-age Dirtbag
In my daily doomscrolling of Facebook that I feel at least sort of have to do because of the news-gathering part of my job, my algorithm showed me a post from the Hutchinson Police Department released Thursday morning.
“It shall be unlawful for the driver of any vehicle to turn such vehicle across the center line of ANY two-way through street or highway for the purpose of angle parking at or alongside the opposite side of such through street or highway.”
Violators can face a total cost of up to $99 once the court costs and traffic ticket are paid. Yikes.
For those of us who don’t speak legalese, HPD is warning us against making J-turns, which have been illegal for quite some time. Sometimes, when driving through small towns, they post “No J-turn” signs through their main streets, where it is most common due to angle parking.
The Hutchinson Tribune’s office is in the northern third of downtown, and I can see about four addresses, two of which are empty, from the desk where this column is being written. In the one hour since this police post was made, I’ve seen two cars J-turn from the opposite side of Main Street.
It just seems like the right thing to do.
Against my better judgment, I opened the digital, local boxing ring we call the Facebook comments section, and saw most of my fellow Hutchonians are on the same page.
“If I had a dollar for every time I have done that in my life, I would probably have enough to pay the fine,” one commenter posted.
Another commenter posted that they see it all the time around Don Michael Field on 17th Avenue, and another astute engager simply said “Duh!”
The focus areas of enforcement, according to HPD, are north and south Main Street, as well as the Don Michael Field area previously pointed out.
“But they can flip a u to give you a seat belt ticket,” another Facebook commenter posted.
Now, as a driver, I see both sides of the equation. Perhaps it is slightly more dangerous to cross the middle yellow line to park, but it’s also convenient when there’s a business on the other side of the street you’re trying to support.
So, what’s this dirtbag’s advice for J-turns? Make sure it’s worth $99 if you see any bright white fluorescent headlights or black SUVs with words painted on the side of them. Sometimes, they’re a little trickier to notice at night or if they’re in camouflaged dark colors, so please be careful.
Personally, I’ve found the most nerve-wracking part of downtown parking to be backing out of the parking spaces, especially when there’s a huge truck behind me and I’m having trouble seeing if traffic is coming or not.
There begins the slow crawl out, just releasing the brake pedal to coast backward when… BAM! A convoy of cars cruise of nowhere right behind you, and now you have to make the decision of stepping on it and flying out or dropping back into the space.
My dad taught me to never hesitate when driving, as that’s what causes accidents, especially when dealing with moving traffic.
Take it easy out there, folks. Be safe when driving in populated areas, and don’t get caught with your pants (or in this case, tailight) down with a $99 IOU to the City of Hutchinson.