By Cat Poland
Better Off Said
Autism. It’s the subject of great debate, conspiracies, exploitation, and exaggeration. Why must neurotypicals (non autistic people) make such a fuss? Perhaps they’re the “difficult” ones.
April is Autism Acceptance Month, or as it’s sometimes called, Autism Awareness Month.
We are a neurodiverse family. All three of my kids fall somewhere along the ADHD/autism/dyslexia spectrum. And on my journey of parenting them, the lightbulb went off. They must have gotten this from … me.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, neurodiversity is “60% to 90% heritable. It is common for multiple generations or siblings to share similar neurodivergent traits.”
Oh. So that would explain my severe sensory issues and kicking, screaming meltdowns as a child. My mom chalked it up to “high intelligence,” but it was the 80s and 90s, and I was subjected to what I’ll call “extreme exposure therapy.” (Put up with it at all costs, including debilitating, paralyzing anxiety.)
When my oldest child was 7, a specialist confirmed what we already knew, that he was autistic. I was determined to approach my child’s needs differently than my parents had. “Know better, do better,” and all that.
As the month of April approached, I wanted to use it as an opportunity to celebrate our child, and help him feel part of something bigger. I told him what Autism Awareness Month was all about, and he thought I said “Autism Beware Month.” Honestly, with as much fear, misunderstanding, and conspiracy-thinking that surrounds the topic, it’s hilariously accurate. Now it’s a little family joke.
Accommodations for all
If you look at how we communicate about autism, it does feel more like “beware” than aware, especially when we talk about how to accommodate autistic people at school and in the workplace.
Here’s the deal: autism “accommodation” should just be common courtesy. Too often, it’s overcomplicated or overemphasized, making autistic people feel singled out or burdensome.
- We all have sensory needs. Lighting, sound, temperature, smells, textures … everyone should feel a sense of control or choice over their environment.
- We all appreciate clear communication. It’s said that autistic people “struggle” with ambiguity, but who wants to waste time guessing what someone means when we can just be more direct?
- We all need to be able to trust others. Autistic people are particularly sensitive to hypocrisy (a little thing called “justice sensitivity”), but that is a good thing! We all need to walk the talk.
- We all have boundaries that need to be honored, both physical and energetic. Autistic people have the reputation of not liking to be touched, or not wanting to socialize in large groups, but that could apply to any of us. Too many of us feel that we must “pretend” to like things when we don’t.
When we de-center “neurotypical” behavior as the standard, we’re more attuned to each other, more aware of our own needs, and more honest with ourselves and others. No, we’re not all “a little bit autistic,” but we’re all better off when we take the time to get to know each other as individuals, and not just make assumptions.
Happy Autism Beware Month!
Cat Poland is a local writer. More of her work can be found at substack.com/@catpoland.