By Charles Melton
Melton’s Musings
I’m old enough to remember the days when the Classified Ads section of most newspapers was must-see reading, so I thought I’d write one of my own.
Free to a good owner: A 1974 model jalopy that is unlike any other you’ll ever find anywhere. It’s hard to describe in 50 words, so as the manufacturer’s agent, I paid one reporter’s weekly salary to do it justice and hopefully get it to a good home. In five years, it’s being taken off the market and put into storage for good. Manufactured in the Lone Star state but it’s literally been from coast to coast and everywhere in between including overseas. It’s one of the toughest models the manufacturer ever made, and he only made one.
Previous owners have both lavished it with the utmost praise and subsequently cursed the day they bought it and abandoned it after realizing that it wasn’t the jalopy that they really wanted nor was it one they could see a lifetime owning. It was both the best they’ve ever driven and the worst they’ve ever owned at the same time.
Its exterior miraculously changes from an old beater you have no problem driving down a dirt road in the country to a luxury car when you drive it in the big city. I don’t know how it does that so expertly, because the manufacturer won’t respond to my questions when I ask that question. I just know that it does, and it’s dumbfounded every owner because they were either comfortable with an old beater or a luxury car and couldn’t handle one that was both at the same time.
It’s definitely had some body work, but you’d never know it at first glance. It’s one of those jalopies that simply gets the job done, and there aren’t many like that around anymore. Maintenance hasn’t been consistent, but it’s still in pretty darn good shape all things considered.
Previous owners haven’t been exactly kind to it as the fuel lines had to get cleaned out after getting gummed up in New Orleans, and a Georgia peach ran it on empty so much that the gas tank got replaced. Its exterior and interior have been dented and scratched up more than a few times by previous owners as well, but it’s got an excellent engine and it’s as reliable as they come these days.
One of the most unique parts of this jalopy is its radio. It plays everything from Willie Nelson to Beethoven to John Coltrane to Nine Inch Nails to AC/DC to Macy Gray to even Tejano and plays it well depending on what the driver wants to hear.
It even comes with an audio book library that is unbelievable. From agrivoltaics to classic literature to international affairs to gourmet recipes to craft beer to gardening its library is one of the most comprehensive around. It’s definitely a rare oddity.
Personally, I believe its best years are ahead of it and it sure would be great to find the right owner who appreciates its uniqueness and allows it to be what the manufacturer made it to be. It has its quirks but it’s as dependable and reliable as you’ll come across, especially given its age. If you know of someone who might be interested in it, stop by the newspaper office because I don’t have a phone of my own. They’ll take your information and I’ll call you from a pay phone and set up a time for you to check it out. Just know that it’s one of a kind, and if you don’t think you can handle its uniqueness, please don’t buy it. The manufacturer said it’s going into permanent storage if the right owner isn’t found.
They sure don’t write classified ads like that anymore, do they? Thanks for reading.
Charles Melton is the news editor of The Hutchinson Tribune. He can be reached at charles@hutchtribune.com.